Dear Servant Leader,
Life must have been so hard for you during the past two years of the pandemic. You’ve tried to reach out, to love, and to pray. You’ve tried to serve and offer what you could. You were hurt by the countless seen zones and no replies. You were wounded after facilitating virtual activities where no one would join. You were bruised by your fellow servants falling short here and there, again and again.
I understand, and more so, Christ understands. I have also reached that point where I had no other reasons to continue. I wanted to stop and give up. It seems so pointless to fight for the call which was seemingly not a priority to others. Everyone was clearly struggling – myself not exempted.
However, for some reason, God led me to seek answers. I kept on asking the Lord, “Lord, why are these happening? Why am I still here? Why are we doing these? Can’t we just stop? Can’t we just deal with our own personal struggles? We, too, are handling so much.”
Have you asked God similar questions?
As God has promised in the Bible verse, Luke 11:9-10: “And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Little did I know that God was refining and purifying how I see and understand the meaning of Service and Mission. Here are three things God revealed to me.
1. Mission embraces pain and suffering – consciously and willingly.
One running question in my mind is, “What is this mission I am saying yes to?”
Let me share a personal encounter in a fellowship. I was wounded, literally. My fellow missionaries were having a swimming fellowship one time. It was one of the first face-to-face activities after so long. We were all excited! It happened that the sea shore there was full of rocks, big and small. We were all very careful as we swam and enjoyed the moment. Unexpectedly, I got wounded exactly at the sole of my feet. It was so painful. It felt like I got my skin sliced by a knife! Fortunately, there was no blood. Moreover, we have a fellow missionary who also got wounded and her wound was bleeding. We came to her aid and supported her. I thought, “Hey, my wound isn’t too bad. It wasn’t bleeding after all, unlike that of my fellow missionary.” However, the pain of my wound was still persistent. I kept on secretly putting a band-aid on it, hiding that I was also in pain.
The day went on, and the night passed. It was Day 2 of our fellowship, and we decided to maximize the chance to swim more and bond more. I was hesitant to swim again because of fear of getting hurt again. However, in my thoughts, I said, “Sige, tatapangan ko. (I’ll brave up). This is what I was called for. This fellowship is what I came here for.”
So I joined and enjoyed the fellowship with them. However, the waves were getting stronger, and I got hit by hard, rough rock. I got a deeper wound under my left knee. It was way deeper than my first wound, and blood was flowing out continuously. My fellow missionaries also supported and helped me treat my wound. But you know what’s funny? This second wound of mine is not as painful as the first one.
This encounter made me reflect on our mission. We have been through it. We got hurt before. We know full well that it will not be easy, but as servant leaders, we go and leave the shore – again. We brave up and go to the depths because we trust the One who calls us. Sometimes we are fully aware that the calling is going to be more difficult, more painful even. However, soon, we will realize that it would be less painful because we are already growing in our faith walk. In mission, we are able to embrace pain and suffering willingly and consciously, because we know that it is through these that God purifies our hearts and makes us grow in holiness.
2. The imperfection of ourselves and of others does not determine our worthiness for God’s calling.
Another running question in my mind is, “Who am I really as a servant? Who are we as servants?” As servants, we are sometimes pressured not to make mistakes, not to fall short. Before, I have always measured my worth by what I am able and not able to do. My number 1 and harshest critic is myself! However, God made it clear to me that He called me because He loves me – that’s all there is. Likewise, He chose you to serve, not by what you have done great in your area, nor by your consistency in your prayer time, no. You might – no, you WILL – fail. You will fall. He knows that already, even before He has called you. You will just have to keep responding yes because like a child who trusts His Father’s leading, you trust that He calls you to do so, for your good. Not for His good, but for your good – all because He loves you so much to involve you in His beautiful plan in this very way (Jeremiah 29:11).
As much as you and I might fail, so can our fellow missionaries. Even that one ate or kuya you call “lodi” (idol), the one you look up to the most, is imperfect. All of us are. We are still human after all. All of us also need God and His grace in this missionary journey. This leads me to the point that God placed our friends and co-missionaries to be with us as vessels of His love and grace. We need to be humble enough and recognize that we cannot rely on our own selves alone. We need each other, spiritually and relationally. We will overcome if we are together in prayer and in fellowship. As they say, if you want to go fast, walk alone, if you want to go to heaven, walk with the community.
3. The ultimate reason for the mission is nothing else but God.
The last question running through my mind was, “Why should I stay and continue the mission?”.
One thing truly remains, and that is God. God was not absent during the whole course of the pandemic. God was there at your side, especially at the lowest, most struggling points of your life. Remember the footprints on the sand. You might have thought that God abandoned you, but it was those very moments when God was carrying you. Likewise, in our mission, God was not absent during the pandemic. It was challenging, but God’s grace was unstoppable even through the spiritually nourishing and fun virtual households and assemblies. Right now, activities are slowly going back to face-to-face events, but God tells us that no matter how fun and exciting the face-to-face activities are and will be, it doesn’t mean God was not there during the online seasons. God is present and God fulfills, both in virtual and physical spaces. If the pandemic comes back, should the mission stop? No, because we know that God doesn’t become greater when the pandemic seems to end. He is great and has been with us through it all. He remains and so, we also must remain. Indeed, this pandemic redefined how I see and understand the mission. This pandemic purified what it means to serve the Lord. God reveals to me that serving and loving Him goes beyond any earthly criteria and reason. There is no one formula to say that you are successfully serving the Lord. God made it clear that this is not about me, or others, nor about my past, present, or future, not any other earthly thing. It is about God and His call. This mission is about God, about His love and daily mercy for us, and that His plans are not yet done for us.
So, my dear servant leader, I pray that through this article, God was also able to answer your every question, “What is this mission I am saying yes to?”, “Who am I really as a servant? Who are we as servants?”, and “Why should I stay and continue the mission?”. Indeed, in this missionary life, you are to embrace pain, suffering, and imperfections. But more so, you are to experience this refined reason for the mission – a reason of serving, loving, and glorifying God alone, with no earthly reason holding you back.
About the Author
Ate Aly Odiada is our Mission Volunteer from the Area of Laguna. She currently serves as the Area Servant of Laguna. She is a dietitian by profession. She also loves keeping things organized, journaling her thoughts, and sharing her realizations with her friends.
