So a little backstory, a few days before RYC, I had actually made up my mind to leave the ministry by the end of the year. It wasn’t an easy decision. I was going through a lot mentally, and there was so much stress from different areas of my life. I love serving, and I love the people in this ministry, so this decision really broke my heart.
No one really knew about it. I had even drafted the message I was going to send my formator. One thing I’ve always looked forward to during every MFC event is adoration. It’s my absolute favorite moment, that quiet time with Jesus where everything else fades away.
So when RYC came around, adoration was the one thing I was waiting for. Day 1 was amazing, and so much fun, everything you’d expect from RYC, but then day 2 came adoration day. I went right up to the front and knelt down. The moment the monstrance was brought in, I just broke down. The last three months had been so heavy, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I lifted everything up to God, the confusion, the pain, the exhaustion, all of it. And in that moment of surrender, I heard a voice speak to my heart. It said, “You were created in my image and likeness. To me, you are perfect. Don’t worry about anything, I am here with you.”
Right after that, I had this vision of two roads, one said “Leave the ministry”, and it looked so dark and gloomy. The other said “Come, follow me.” And as I looked at them, a man reached out his hand to me. The moment He held my hand, I felt this warmth, a kind of peace I can’t even describe. I looked at both roads for a moment, and then I chose the one that said, “Come, follow me.” After i did, I felt this tight, warm hug, like God Himself was holding me. And I just broke down crying again, but this time, it wasn’t out of pain, it was out of peace.
When adoration ended, I looked around the hall and saw everyone hugging, comforting each other, and I just thought that, this is home. This ministry has always been home for me. Even when things get hard, I know I have them, and I have Jesus and that night, I decided, I’m not giving up. Not on myself, not on the ministry, and definitely not on serving the Lord. Because no matter how hard life gets, I know God is right there beside me, walking with me on that path. So I don’t need to fear anything anymore.
