When you say the word missionary, one of the things you would instantly think about is that they are brave and are known risk-takers. They are those people who left everything just to follow the path the Lord commanded them to, brave enough to say yes and fearless enough to turn their backs on the world.
But sorry to burst your bubble, but there are still cowardly missionaries like me who answered the Lord afraid. When I said yes to becoming one of God’s Mission Volunteers for MFC Youth last year, I knew that I went to Him along with my fears. However, I know that amidst all the fears that I have, God molded me to be strong. Yes, you can still be a coward but strong. And the reason why I am strong is that the things I fear to happen happened.
All those things led me to experience pain, grief, sickness, and frustration. I know that If I wasn’t afraid of things happening, there would be no room for me to be strong and to trust the Lord even more. If I’m always brave, it will be too hard for me to see the Lord doing wonders in my life.
We may see it from the perspective of St. Louis de Montfort’s life where he was able to show his passion in serving where he inspired peasants to build a huge monument to the Passion of Christ for fifteen months. People worked for fifteen months just to build the structure, but the day it was finished, it was immediately destroyed by the government. Let us imagine that for fifteen months, He saw the peasants work and sweat to build the monument, it was impossible for him not to fear that their efforts would be put to waste. But after he heard the news that it would be destroyed, He said, “We had hoped to build a Calvary here. Let us build it in our hearts. Blessed be God.” Even with the existence of fear, he was able to surrender it to the Lord. He was still able to acknowledge God’s blessings on them. The reason why is that he was detached from his own will but rather attached to God’s will.
I was inspired by St. Louis’ will to surrender even with the existence of fear. That is why I will always continue to show up even when I’m afraid. To continue to say yes, even with the presence of fear. To continue to be a missionary even if I’m afraid of what love demands. To continue to embrace fears, as fuel to be strong. The fear that I had, caused my journey to be dark, and pain to arise but right now because of the strength this gives me, I can bravely say in my prayers, “Lord if that’s what it takes then let me endure and experience it all over again.” I am no martyr but for the people around me, for the love I have yet to give, I am willing to endure even more.
About the Author
Ate Chelle Oruga is our Mission Volunteer from the Area of Batangas. She currently serves as the Area Servant of Batangas.
