After doing something that is not right, the immediate feeling is Shame. Afterward, doubt and regret. It’s such a shame and disgrace to do something that you know is not right. How could your conscience handle it? How could you raise your hands, speak the words of God, and testify in His goodness? How could you say you have a personal relationship with God if you can do all those things? How could you tell yourself and others that you are striving for holiness to become the man/woman God wants you to be?
These questions arise from the feeling of doubt—whether you can still change and be a good person. You doubt God can do anything, so you try to do everything. You doubt God can heal you, so you heal yourself through your old, vicious ways. You doubt God can still love you despite your flaws, so you let your insecurities get the best of you. You doubt God is in control, so let your worldly desires and deceitful emotions control you.
And when all of these sinks in, you feel regretful for what you’ve done. You beat yourself up. You speak negatively to yourself. You try to distance yourself from God. You stop talking to Him. You stop going to church. You stop connecting with the people who remind you of God. You build high and big walls. You don’t want to come home anymore.
It became a cycle until you were trapped in your darkness—stuck in your sins. Hope is nowhere to be found, and you feel helpless. Sin may not have a tangible consequence, but it kills your soul slowly. From one sin to another, hope and trust are slowly being destroyed. You don’t feel it right away. You don’t notice it until the hole in your heart has become so big that you feel empty—and no matter what you try to fill the void, the emptiness stays.
May you always remember the consequences of sin, how it will kill your soul and make you a prisoner. I hope you become aware of the darkness you might face when you keep on doing bad things. It is grace that allows you to still pray despite failing many times. But that doesn’t permit you to take it for granted. Admit that you’ve done wrong and be sorry for it. Fight a good fight with those temptations and selfish desires. Don’t let those things conquer your heart.
Take heart! Jesus conquered the world. Allow Him to conquer your heart each day.
ABOUT THE AUTHORAte Roma Suliguin is currently our Mission Volunteer from the Area of NCR South. She is an Accountant by profession but she loves artistic stuff as well.
Thank you, I need this.