The Cross is often seen as the symbol of pain, suffering, and defeat but the truth is, there is a greater picture and meaning behind all of that. God is so good and faithful that He allowed me to experience suffering, brokenness, and pain to let me embrace the cross with a hopeful heart as He leads me closer to true redemption and to Him. The Cross is a symbol of pain and defeat, but also of triumph and salvation.
There are times in my mission life when I would ask myself “Why is that even though I’m trying my best and giving it all for God, still, only a few members are attending?”, “Why does it seem that I am not an effective missionary?”, and “Why am I doing this mission if sometimes it just makes me tired, broken, and it feels like I have such a heavy cross to carry?”. These questions actually make me feel in pain because I know that these are times that I don’t see Jesus anymore in anything that I do, and there’s something wrong but I can’t figure out what it is. I felt so hopeless and it feels like I don’t want to carry and embrace my cross anymore. But then, God saved me. He surrounded me with people that will help me grow closer to Him. I remember during those uncertain points in my missionary life, I asked for guidance. I was having a conversation with my parents. Then they just randomly said “Just pray. No matter what situation you are in right now, just pray.” And those lines struck me, that’s maybe the reason why I can’t understand and I felt so much pain because I am forgetting to include God in it and I am not embracing the crosses that He wants me to embrace to commit in this mission fully. All these sufferings and pains lead me to the cross. It made me realize that the answer to all of my questions is the cross. Cross is God’s way and answers to bring back my soul. He partakes with all of my heartbreaks in this calling and allows my pain and brokenness to overwhelm Him; Jesus on the cross is proof of how humble, powerful and kind He is. He even let Himself be stripped and overwhelmed by the crosses because He loves me so much that Jesus suffered for my place. Cross is God’s answer to every question that I have. I realize that I will always have a cross but I must always remind myself not to remove Christ in those moments because once I do, the pain will remain and I won’t have Him. I need and choose to hold onto and embrace the cross.
When I read the scriptures from Luke 9:23, it reminded me of why I chose to carry my cross – to be a disciple of His and follow Him as I deny myself. And I embraced that by denying myself, it also means I am surrendering my plans and trusting in God’s will for me to be able to fully say yes to Him. It is written in this verse to “take up your cross”, not to take others’ nor God’s but mine, and it hit me, maybe God is trying to tell me that my crosses are somehow personalized, He knows that with the help of His grace I can overcome it that’s why He gave it to me. He is calling me to respond despite and in spite of these crosses, He wants me to do something that I did not choose to do, sometimes it is difficult for me to understand God but I know that I just need to trust Him. I believe that God is telling me through the verse that He allowed these crosses to happen in my life not because He allowed me to suffer but because once I choose to embrace and take it up with Him, He will do something powerful in my heart that I cannot do without these crosses. Just like Jesus, on His way to Golgotha, He also did not want to carry the cross but He still carried it and because He trusted His Father, God transformed this cross into a crown, redemption, and salvation.
Embracing my crosses is not about me, it is more about doing it with God and for God. Life is difficult, those crosses can be so heavy but the most loving thing is that God did not leave me just to carry these crosses alone even if He permits it to happen, He is walking with me. I know that embracing these crosses means denying what I want for my life so that I can do God’s will, and I must not be disheartened instead I will always have a grateful and hopeful heart for His sake because by His side, and with His strength, through these is what will transform my cross into a sign of salvation that will give Him glory forever. Jesus didn’t come to take all of the pain, burden, and suffering but to transform these crosses so my life won’t end up in death but pass through death into new life.
“Suffering, pain, humiliation – this is the kiss of Jesus. At times you come so close to Jesus on the cross that He will kiss you.” – St. Teresa of Calcutta
Come, Holy Spirit, living in Mary. Remind me every time I look at the cross that, that is the God who loves me, knows my sufferings and heartbreaks yet still continues to accept and embrace me wholeheartedly. A God I can always trust.
About the Author
Ate Ysia Enriquez is our Mission Volunteer from the Area of NCR North. She currently serves in MFC CAMPUS.
