My name is Victoria Marie Faderagao, 19 years old from MFC Youth Singapore. I would say my teenage years were the worst time of my life as I was bullied in school, struggled with my self-confidence, and did not respect my parents. I did not know who Christ was as my friends were from a different religion. However, my breaking point was when I had lost most of my friends and felt very insecure with myself, I felt a strong urge to find refuge in Christ. I was alone but I felt God was listening to me. I felt a slight warmth and I decided from that day onwards, I would attend my catechism classes and church regularly.
After learning about the 10 commandments, I wanted to perfect myself to obey them. I would make a list of which areas I should improve myself on so that I could be christ-like and that He would be happy with my efforts. I also started to judge other people for not obeying the commandments and felt good and relieved that I was a perfect Catholic Christian.
When I reached the age of 18, I felt that I was not fitting in with my college mates as they were doing things that I believed would tempt me into committing sins. I wanted to try different experiences and understand my social group but after committing a sin, I would feel guilty that I have made the Lord angry. It was my misconception that the Lord will be mad at me for not being Christ-like and I was listening to lies. I told myself that I was not good enough and I did not deserve to be loved by God.
One night when I was talking to my boyfriend about my depression, I told him that I wanted to be happy. I remembered that everyone in the church would say that you can only find true happiness in the Lord. I did not understand how would find that happiness in Him because I was so focused that maybe God might have put me into a dark place because I was a sinner
I thought that I would get to experience that happiness another time in my life and I have to just wait and be patient. I said to my boyfriend “I guess that’s life, life is unfair and I guess I’ll wait for when God is going to reveal his happiness to me” and that was when unexpected words of affirmations came out of my mouth. I was saying, “this life is not mine. God gave me this life. I am His, He chose me. I shall live every day of my life for Him. I am His Daughter. He chose me. He loves me. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to live a life.”
It was then I realized that I have lived my life too seriously that I forgot, God loves me so much no matter how much I have committed sins because He still chooses me to be here and our great God forgives me and everyone. I felt truly happy and content as it changed my perspective instantly and it made my mental health better. From that day of my realization, I have been living my life for Him and forgave myself for being a sinner as God is the only perfection in this world and we were chosen by Him.
Ate Victoria Marie Faderagao is our member of MFC Youth Singapore. She serves as one of their LIT Servants.
