As a person who loves being outside mingling with other people, the pandemic hits me hard. I am a person who loves sharing with other people all of the victories and defeats I had in life. In the first few days of 2020, I enjoyed being on the line with my friends’ video calls. I remember how I laughed with them while washing the dishes and focusing on my phone for it not to fall. All of the video calls and chats those days gave me motivation that loving and being there despite the pandemic is possible.
My top love language is quality time, and I thought I would do my part to give and receive the love I wanted to have, but then again, the pandemic hits hard! It hit me hard! Due to personal circumstances, speaking and talking became hard for me. My thoughts are always entangled. Whenever I am going to converse, I stutter. There are times that I just wanted to open my camera and listen to them talking instead of me giving my side as well. In doing so, I know that it is still me being there and enjoying their company, but it still makes me feel that I am not giving the best that I can in loving and being there for other people. My silent battle for years now is this! I even tried to combat it alone.
Sharing this is not easy, and accepting this is the harder one.
In times of this, I would always go to my comfort place, in my pink working area with my altar on the right side, asking Him to speak to me.
Right then and there, I know He just heard me out listening to how I rant about life and how I feel bad about myself. And all Jesus would give me is total silence, and letting me hear my cries always makes me realize that I need to be at the present moment every time. He reminds me that my ears, heart, and any part of me that is healed right now are enough to be a vessel of His love and that my imperfection will never define me. What a very consoling moment! I will be forever grateful for that encounter which gave me a reason to embrace healing.
Friends, always make time and have the courage to communicate with Him because He will never abandon your hurts and feelings. I have learned not to be afraid to be true in front of God because He will never invalidate me. Always be open in asking, “Jesus, can we talk?”.
Talk to Him! He is our Comfort and Healer.
Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7
Maria Jesusa Castillo is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the Luzon Missions Team.
