In MV Speaks, Sharing

2020 — a new year to start again. This year began with me having high hopes and eagerness to start over from all the frustrations and disappointments in my life from the past year.  This was a great motivation to continue my journey as a servant and strive even more for my dream to become a Certified Public Accountant. The first month of 2020 was a great start. 2020 seemed like a vision that we will start seeing things clearly and perfectly. We have this hope in our hearts that everything will fall into place just like what we want in our lives. Everything seems clear and steady, for my plans, my timeline, and especially the dreams I’m aiming for. I see everything in my prayers that this year will be the year to redeem myself. At first, there was nothing to be worried about but suddenly a great storm struck our lives- our world. 

Ever since I started serving the Lord, I have been grateful for what He has done in my life because I really can’t outdo God for everything He has done to me but with this pandemic, I started to ask, “Why? “Lord why? Why now?” I could not understand why things started to fall out of place. Everyone is hurting. Everyone is afraid. Everyone is dying within. I kept on questioning God, is this the year that you promised me? The year that I will prove to everyone that I’m not a failure? The year that I must prove to myself that I’m your true servant? My head was clouded with questions. Full of uncertainties and regrets. It’s hard for me to trust when everything is falling apart. But there’s one thing that kept my fire burning. I’ve seen a narrow light that saved me from being drowned, the world seemed different. Everything is quiet, everyone is in their own houses and every family is praying. “Lord, Is this your way for us to be united? Is this your way to bring us back to you?” Through this storm, I found my place where I can really hear God, where I can find peace. I’m still uncertain but the only thing that matters is to trust the Lord.

After months of praying and waiting, nothing changed. We’re still locked in our houses, missing our lives outside, and wishing to get everything back to normal. This pandemic did not change but my heart and my love for the Lord were burning like a wildfire. I didn’t expect that I would grow spiritually during this pandemic because of prayer and trusting the Lord, who would have thought that I would see good things in this pandemic, and little did I know that I’m fully embracing the uncertainties that come from this quarantine. I saw myself accepting what’s happening in the world and allowing myself to see God in every little way even through these hard times. Nothing changed externally but God made me different during this pandemic. He made me see things and view things differently. God is asking us, “Can you bear uncertainty? Can you bear not knowing how I am going to provide for your most urgent needs and still trust my will?” It is a question that God wants all of His servants to wrestle with. There are simply going to be times when we don’t know where the provision is going to come from. Circumstances will look unsteady, sometimes alarming and threatening. Plans are going to fall apart. People are going to disappoint us. They may reject or misunderstand our mission. If these things happened to Jesus, we should not be surprised when they happen to us. But Jesus does not want us to be governed by fear at such times. He wants us to be governed by faith. The reason is that the uncertainty is only apparent uncertainty. Our future and our provision and our ultimate triumph are certain to God. He has all the foreknowledge, power, resources, and desire to turn everything for good for those who love Him and are called by Him.

These uncertain seasons are usually the most powerful God-moments we experience. We often see God on display more than other seasons, demonstrating that God exists and rewards those who seek Him. So if you are in one of those seasons, take heart. You are likely experiencing what it means to have a God “who acts for those who trust in Him”

As of today, we are still uncertain what the future holds but this uncertainty that rattles our lives must be offered to God, and let’s trust His will for us. 2020 is clearly and perfectly orchestrated by God, for us it seems unbearable and we may not see what’s in store for us but in the eyes of the Lord everything is under control and His vision is perfect. “You may not understand what I am doing right now but soon you will understand.

Embrace the Uncertainty” – John 13:7


Dexter Abareta is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the area of NCR South.

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