2020 has indeed been a tough year. It started with the eruption of a sleeping Taal Volcano when everyone got so anxious. I remember that day when we needed to evacuate, carrying with us nothing but ourselves and having no idea when we can go back home safely. Never did I imagine we’ll face a day not knowing what we’ll eat next and where we’ll get enough food. We were still in the process of rectifying our homes, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, COVID-19 happened. Who would have thought that we would be locked up in our homes. Again, it was tough.
I felt so limited in what I can do knowing I should be giving a lot more. But as we moved forward to this new normal, everyone has maximized the use of technology to cope with the situation. I must admit, I thought I could give myself more time to rest. But who would have thought? Work was brought home, meetings were done via Zoom, and conferences pushed through using different social media platforms. There were more people I needed to talk to, more work I needed to do, and more deadlines I needed to meet. After passing through ECQ, I came back to work on our project site, which was more challenging.
I felt that everything was so difficult to the point that the 24-hours a day was not enough to accomplish all the tasks I was entrusted to do. It was tiring. I found myself asking the Lord “Why is it so hard to handle? Why is it too heavy to carry?” It was even more painful battling all these far from my inspiration, my family. I’ve always been missing the comfort of our home.
Yet, beyond the toughness of things is a faithful God believing in me. He believes that I can make it through. I came to realize, if it wasn’t tough, difficult and painful, how could I go deeper in God’s immense love? If everything was made easy for me, how could I see the value and beauty of every detail around me? If everything was staying still, how could I grow more as a person?
Oftentimes I wonder, despite my own littleness, God still entrusted me to do great things – beyond my capacity, beyond what I only know and can do. Affirmed by Ephesians 1:4 which says, “As He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and without blemish before Him,” I was in awe of how the Lord took the risk of trusting me. I can never really fathom the greatness of God because as human as I am, I can never understand the complexity of things only God Himself can.
The good news is, God will not give you the cross without giving you the greater grace that will see you through. It’s okay to take a break, from all that is keeping us tired and weary and to admit you cannot do it all alone. It’s fine to ask for help. It’s okay to allow people to journey with you as you take up your crosses. It’s definitely fine to empty yourself because in emptiness, God fills.
In these trying times, God sustains us and remains with us. He sees you through. You have nothing to hide. God knows you well. Just come as you are before the Lord.
Riva Dimailig is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the Luzon Missions Team.