There was this moment in my life where it felt like I had reached the rock bottom. That time I couldn’t bring myself to tell anybody what I was going through. I had struggles with my family, my academics and my service. Little by little the fire inside my heart starts to disappear. As the pandemic continued and the world became more silent it felt more suffocating. Being a servant the first thing that comes into my mind was to come closer to God and to listen to Him but no matter how hard I try it seems like He’s not there. I kept asking God why I had to go through those struggles, but there was no answer. Then I started to question Him. I told Him that I needed Him more than ever but still there was no answer. I felt spiritually dry, alone, sad and angry. But there was this small hope in my heart that God is still there. I kept waiting for that big moment that God will make me understand, that big moment where suddenly my heart will start a fire again but it never came. God was silent. God was nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be felt.
Days, weeks and even months have passed and I was still crying to God. Then one day as I was scrolling down on social media, I saw a short Bible story about Elijah. The story went like this: Elijah was waiting in a cave for the Lord then a strong wind came but the Lord was not in the wind, then an earthquake came but the Lord was not there, then a fire also came but the Lord was still not in the fire suddenly, a small whisper came and the Lord was there. Maybe God was silent because that was exactly the kind of comfort na kailangan ko sa mga moments na un. Someone na yayakapin ako. Someone na papatahanin ako. Higit dun baka kailangan ko ng taong na makikinig sakin at iintindi sakin. That time sa mga crying moments ko God never left me He was with me.
I’ve realized that sometimes we expect the Lord to reveal Himself in the most unusual and extraordinary way. But let us not limit God because he also comes in the usual and in the ordinary. We also find the Lord in the ordinary task that we do everyday. God still make His presence felt in calmness
Allysa Leyte is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the area of NCR East.