“Let us win this fight together through God’s Love”
I want to start this article by being honest to whoever might be reading this. I just want you to know that the past few months have been really hard for me. Actually, it is very hard for me to write this reflection because until now, I am still in the process of figuring out what God is trying to tell me in this season. I am so lost. Like other servants, I am also being challenged right now. I am not okay. But I will still continue to write this—hoping that somehow, I could make you feel that you are not alone in this battle. We are fighting this—together.
Prior to this pandemic, I have already set my goals and plans for my Area. I was very enthusiastic and full of hope with the new mission given to me, then this pandemic suddenly happened. This has made me question my faith, worth, and calling. It is very hard to conduct online activities. It is very hard to reach out to people online. I have questions like “how will I be able to make my members see and feel that my love for them is genuine if it’s done online?”. I also went through these frustrating nights reflecting on those cancelled activities and plans, over and over again. Why are they not attending? What am I lacking as a servant? What should I do God? How can I be more personal to them? My heart aches whenever I realize that it could be because I am no longer effective as a servant. These feelings and unanswered questions have made me more distant from God. It is very tiring and I felt really really empty. But I know deep within my heart that my God loves me so much and He will never let me be defeated by my mere emotions.
Now, I am doing my best to see God’s grace moving through me each day. I am restarting again my relationship with Him. It has been years since the last time I decided to be more personal with Him. Unconsciously, I also lost God in the middle of all these happenings. Not that I am not praying, it’s just that I realized that my prayers were very shallow. They were all focused based on my interest. There, I finally realized that I missed the feeling of praying with my heart’s content—without expecting anything from God, just a deep and sweet conversation with Him. I realized that I felt so empty because I let myself be far away from the source of my strength and happiness. My heart aches to know that God has to allow certain things to happen first before He can finally urge me to come back to Him again. While I am busy creating a gap between us, God is also busy reaching for my hands. I love how God keeps on talking to me during this pandemic through certain situations. Do you believe that He even sent his mother, Mama Mary, to our house just to reach out to me? I wish I was just making stuff, but He did! Mama Mary is now my roommate. He made me feel a lot more special by that gesture. God is so sweet to me. Just recently, God allowed me to be reconnected with the people I missed. I regained so much strength by just talking with them again. He also allowed me to be reminded of how passionate I was as a servant. Little by little, I can already see new hope for my area. He reminded me of my dreams. He reminded me of our closeness. He did everything just to make me have my life back again—a life with a purpose.
God awakens the servant-spirit in me. With these experiences, I’ve come to realize that God’s love is very powerful. He reminded me that I’m still worthy to be called His servant even though I almost gave up. No matter what I am going through right now, He will just be there for me assuring me that I am just perfect to be His partner in this mission. God also affirmed me this season that like how He protected His disciples; He will also protect me and my family as I do missions for Him. The pandemic, challenges, emotions, and other things that may come along my way, will not defeat me anymore as long as He is with me.
If you’re also on the verge of losing hope, I pray that may you also found new hope in God despite all the challenges that you are facing right now. Have faith and believe that we can win this battle together because we have a loving God. His never-failing love will make us come through.
Kimchie Luna is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the area of NCR Central.