In this time that cancelling a person is as easy as cancelling an order online, where does love stands?
Instead of keeping a list of what I want for Christmas, I am the type who keeps a list in my mind of every single thing others have done against me or things the people I love have failed to do.
But when I went through a lot mentally over the past years, I found myself bringing up all my past wounds to the people around me. I’d have a fight with some friends, and I’d go over the whole list of what they have done that I have never said before. It’s like I was checking on all the list and finally putting it out there. But more than it hurt others to receive all that from me, I realized it hurt me more. I carried that baggage all around me, and I thought saying it out loud will finally allow me to be free and cut off these people I considered toxic. Then I realized, I was a toxic person too. When I was keeping track of all their mistakes and shortcomings, I forgot I have mine too that God didn’t mind counting. My anger plus my hurts will just sum up a person’s mistake but not who he or she entirely is.
At John 13:18-30, Jesus knew Judas was going to betray Him. Jesus knew the sin Judas was about to make, but Judas ate too. What if Jesus cancelled Judas and didn’t allow him to eat at His table? What if it was a #JudasIsOverParty instead of Jesus washing his feet? What if every sinner in the eyes of the Lord will be cancelled? Jesus knew, but He kept Judas with Him and even prayed for him. Jesus knows you, and yet here you are not being cancelled, only welcomed by Him.
So how do we cancel the CANCEL CULTURE? First is, we should…
Cancel CALL OUT, and welcome DISCUSSION
As humans with free will, there is always this risk of doing or saying something someone won’t agree with. We have different minds, we’ve been through different experiences and we learn differently. That being said, wouldn’t it be nice if instead of pointing out the faults of each other and trying to see what’s problematic and not, we’ll just open a safe space for discussion?
Stop calling out someone’s mistake, instead, be personal and discuss with the person what hurt you or what was wrong with what he or she did. Rather than just simply stating what was wrong about someone’s action, talk with the other person about why he or she acted in such a way and what could be done to do better.
Calling out someone is sometimes unknowingly pointing out or digging up someone’s wound. There are some past hurts or past mistakes you also wouldn’t want others digging up just to remind why you have made another mistake. We won’t fully understand what kind of experience led to someone’s certain action or behavior without talking to the person. Calling out is just knowing the problem, discussing it, on the contrary, is addressing the problem.
Cancel TOXIC, welcome GROWTH
People are not innately toxic. We are just trying to unlearn experiences, pains, and a whole lot of things. And that process could be messy that we sometimes scatter all these emotions until it hit someone so deeply that it hurts.
There’s no such thing as toxic people. There are just some people who carry a kind of love that we can’t grow inside us, and it goes both ways sometimes. We do not let go of people just because we think they are toxic. We let go maybe because the growth we need no longer include them, and in the same way, the growth that they need doesn’t involve us anymore.
It’s not the person who is a poison in our life. It is the situation and the things we tolerate that destroy our ability to grow. So instead of cancelling someone, cancel the toxic mindset we have and welcome the growth mindset. Instead of cutting people off, try praying for the person. And if in the end, your prayers led both of you to go separate ways then so be it – welcome the growth apart.
Toxic mindset taught us to label people as good and as bad when the reality is we all have both sides and we are just all trying to be greater one day at a time. And so, just as you have been given the grace to change, and the faith to be transformed; pray that the people who are no longer part of your life will receive the same in God’s own way.
Cancel HATE, welcome LOVE
Instead of the Twitter do your thing, let the cancel trend begin; I hope we let God do His thing, and let repentance finally begin.
Looking at someone through the lens of your own pains will never let you see the other person, only the reflection of your own hate. And in the same way, you can never see just how much love there is for you in the lens of your own wounds.
We cannot immediately change how the world is today or what is going around and trending every day, but what we can change is how we view things and how we respond to situations and to people – how we choose the better part.
We are not responsible for all the pains we have received, but we are responsible for all the love we will give. Loving is up to us. Love is a decision we should make every day.
I don’t believe that our culture is to hate, and I know you believe in that too. I have faith that when the Lord created us it was all the true, good, and beautiful. But then our differences clashed and we forgot to see eye to eye, and now we can’t even see heart to heart.
So if you believe in that too, let us cancel the cancel culture, and make a trend for love. Let us create a culture where mistake is not an end, but a beginning to change. Let us create a safe space where we can talk things out and then meet halfway to do things better. Let us be part of a world that lives by faith, and forgives through love.
When Judas ate too, God was teaching us to feed others too.
When Judas was prayed over for, God was asking us to pray for others too.
When Judas’ feet were washed, God was affirming us that He can wash away our sins too just as how we should forgive others.
And when Judas sinned, God is challenging us to do greater things. We can do better, the question is, will we?
Tina Rama is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the Luzon Missions Team.