For God can make everything happen.
A heart of stone to a repentant one.
A crooked path to a straighter one.
An unwilling and restless soul to a fearless and daring one.
This WYC 2011 has done some major changes in my soul’s system. It really did fix me and replaced me with a newer, better, more convicted spirit.
I was once the afraid, play-it-safe type who wouldn’t want to do big things for the sake of service. I would always hesitate. I never was prepared enough for the talks that I gave, never brave enough to be mission-ready.
I was afraid of what other people might say if I make a mistake, nervous if my leaders would send me to camps, and missions, thinking, “Am I good enough for this?”, “Maybe other people can do it. Why should it be me?”.
I was living in my own bubble of fear and doubt.
Until this weekend that just happened, the weekend that will be changing the way how my life goes.
Maybe God did destined me to do big things for Him because I wouldn’t feel what I’m feeling now if I’m not meant for it.
I wouldn’t have gone to that 6:30AM call time that sunday morning.
I wouldn’t have given my time to help in the WYC preparations.
I wouldn’t have raised my hands way up high, singing my heart out. And,
I wouldn’t have gone to the WYC at all.
But I did.
Because God wants me to do something special, because I am special and I am called.
Because I am part of something big.
God chose me to be His servant,
I am chosen to be part of the generation that will proclaim the goodness and greatness of God.
Two months ago, someone said that I would be the incoming cluster servant of our cluster.
Back then, I was really afraid that I could never be good enough to be given such a big responsibility.
Handling souls and bringing them closer to Christ is never an easy task.
A month ago, someone also said that there’s a big possibility for a need to break up with my boyfriend.
And I cried. I really did. It was too painful to let him go.
But, I can honestly say that I have a good relationship and that relationship is also anchored on Christ. We are in good terms and we are both serving the community.
So, I asked the question, WHY? “Why, God, do You want us separated when we are both serving You?”, “We’re not doing anything wrong. And in fact, we love You, God. This relationship of ours happen to be centered to You. So, Why?”
Weeks ago, God spoke to me. It was through a recollection. It was the first time that I really encountered such experience, that it was God really talking to me. And He spoke so vividly that I could still somewhat remember the exact words; “Ayana, I have given you and Mac a year to grow together. Now, I want you to grow separately. I want you to serve Me more.”
Two days after that, I attended Mass and God spoke to me again, but this time, through the priest. He said, “Do not be afraid to make painful decisions for God.”
Two days ago, yesterday, God touched my innermost being.
He called my name.
He called me to be His servant.
And everything can change with just a single YES.
And I said, “Yes, God. Yes.”
Now, I am the new C2 cluster servant, together with my partner.
Yes, I am still afraid, but I know I have a big God.
And this God of mine is bigger, stronger and more powerful than any fear, distress, weakness and problem that I will be facing.
God, I can be fearless.
I have also decided, we have decided to break up.
Knowing that God has a bigger promise for us both.
Serving the Lord with all our heart will be the best gift we can ever give to God and to the community.
Yes, I will still feel pain and longing, but, I know my God’s love will sustain me, and will even fill me more than anyone could ever do.
God, I will be fearless.
For this God has shown me great things,
He has made Himself powerful and overwhelming to those who seek His will,
He has left me in awe of His immense love.
This God is MY GOD.
My father, my rock, my redeemer, my stronghold, my savior, my strength.
And for this God, I can face anything.
“I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
I will be fearless. I will be strong.
by Ayana De Ocampo, YFL Nova