I love long drives and long travel times. I am not annoyed by long queuing lines at the bus station. I don’t usually sigh when the meal is not served quickly. I feel like my patience is exercised during these instances and I am happy about it.
But there are bigger, much more important things that I’ve waited for as well.
For the past years, I have waited for my graduation ceremony to happen, to wear a black toga, to be part of the Sampaguita interlude, to take the board exam, to have my license, to work in the hospital, and to go on missions.
I waited for 2020. I thought this would be my year, my most awaited year. And yes, it was, because the pandemic happened.
There was no graduation ceremony, no black toga to wear, no Sampaguita interlude, no board exam taken, no license received, no working in the hospital, and not going to physical missions in our area.
I was silenced for a moment. I felt like I was lost. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do.
Then I asked God, “Why, Lord? Have I not waited for enough? I thought this would be the year for me? I don’t really get it. What’s Your plan?”
For months, there was only one thing that I kept on saying to God over and over and over again. “Lord, have I not waited enough?”
My questioning led to doubting. And my doubting led to not trusting at all.
I started to compare myself and my growth to others. It was really painful to see my friends and batchmates doing well in their own fields, and here I am, still waiting.
But then, there was one activity that I attended. The speaker told us that if God is making us wait, then He is shaping us with a purpose. I was silent again for a moment. I felt that God was telling me. “You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Just trust Me, now more than ever.”
I realized that He is changing the way I wait and the way I see things. He wants me to have a deeper faith, a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him. Because He sees what I cannot see. He wants me to humble myself in front of Him. To be open to His will. To put an order in my life. To really discern and understand what truly matters in life. And to be patient enough to wait joyfully for the fulfillment of every promise He has made.
Truly, in waiting, God does His deepest work.
He is with me as I wait. He aches with me, cries with me, comforts me. He meets me in my pain and uses all my struggles for my good, shaping me for a purpose.
And it’s the same for you, too. Never compare yourself to others. Never compare where you are to where others are. You have your own growth. You are in your own phase in life. And it’s okay to be where you are because it is where you are meant to be right now. It’s okay to wait even if it’s long and rough.
I waited for 2020. My most awaited year. Yes, it was. And yes, it still is. I think that this year is not just my year, but everyone’s. Even yours. This year is for all of us. It may feel like we’re simply finding another means to an end, but God is in both the means and the end.
Cliché as it is, waiting time is not wasted time. It is not a game of chasing time. It is not a game. No one wins and no one loses. Rather, it is a time of discovering, growing, maturing, and seeing the graces unfold throughout the process. Because at the end of the day, what’s meant for us will always find us. It will never pass us. It will be just on time.
Anne Tumaque is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the Luzon Missions Team.