Life in the mission has never been easy. As we put so much effort into the journey to holiness and righteousness, some things always end up distracting us. When I think about this, it really makes the daily journey with Jesus Christ extremely difficult and wearying. And as a mission volunteer, there’s a great demand to live a life that is pleasing to God more than we want to give for ourselves.
The way I see myself in the process, there are a lot of things that do not seem to complement between the ways that I want to, and how God wanted me to become. Weak as I am, I tend to fail more than I can succeed in doing the mission. The world is so unsettling, and it always keeps me disoriented in keeping myself up to endure things that are for the merit. Going through this life was a difficult path to take. There are different sorts of distractions that have been troublesome to bear; they can be from temptation, conformity, fear, loneliness, failure, and even the bustling schedules and the busyness of life where doing mission is the last thing in mind. Everything seemingly seeks to slow me down and keeps me upset, too exhausted to go on. There are moments sometimes that you just really want to call a timeout and process some things to make sense, but they also even require courage, and when every time I try, I fall short. What about my dreams, my responsibilities, and the things I want to enjoy in life? I don’t want them to be wasted or just….gone. Sometimes, I wonder how to meet God at the very core of this journey. I swear, there are moments I just wished I never started this, or maybe just quit and not have to deal with the life that should be supposed to be more meaningful. They seem entirely out of control.
Despite everything, it is still my desire to be here, living every moment while in this great pursuit. One of the reasons why I carry on is because of the people around me in this community. Just like them, they’re also tired of fighting battles. Distinct, but in the same weight. Most battles don’t seem to make sense, in vain, failures, and such. All at once, it leads me to a familiar reflection for the reason of it all. It’s a matter of sacrificial love and the struggle for holiness. I have to look back at the life of Jesus and the Saints. Most of the circumstances don’t have a fascinating narrative to tell, but all are in the culmination of sacrifice, love, endurance, and compassion. Everything is a resemblance to what seems to be prevailing in our lives as mission volunteers. For this cause to be real, it demands to be felt and experienced. These are some clichés of faith, but it rings true to the reality that we are dealing with. I remember when Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, “A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, and must empty ourselves. Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your weakness”. From this, I knew God is revealing something to me. I realized this sacrifice really makes perfection in love, holiness, and reverence for Jesus Christ. We never journey all this way just for nothing. We got tired, Jesus too. He completely understands what we’re going through, but He makes it all worth it. That’s how things have come to be, and that authenticates that call we all committed for.
All of my experiences really allowed me to grow in my faith even more. I knew that the devil wants me to concentrate on the bad, but my God is bigger. I rest on Him, and in turn, strengthened by His Grace.
Von Abines is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the area of NCR North.