When we were still young, the older ones would often ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” then we would always answer it without any second thoughts. As we grow older, our dreams continue to change and it is getting bigger. Slowly, it is getting clearer for us to recognize what we really want to be. That’s how it is, right? And that’s how it’s supposed to be. But it is different for me. As a part of the pioneer batch of the K-12 program, I am thankful that I get to think of what I really dream to be. Well, that’s what I thought because when I entered college, I was honestly half-hearted in taking up the Accountancy program.
In my first year in college, I became an active member of an academic organization and eventually became an officer. It was fun and all. I got to experience a lot of things and I even discovered numerous things about myself by spending a lot of time with them as I continued to study. I found a place where I felt that I fit in, a group that would guide me, and most especially, a group where I found comfort because they became my home away from home. But that year was a bit tough. I’ve realized that it was hard for me to focus on the lessons, especially in major subjects. Would you believe that I’ve spent a lot of sleepless nights studying only to get a failing grade on my quiz the following day? It’s crazy, right? But I kept on hiding the fact that I was not for it.
Year two came, I became the president of the organization. All is well, not until I received my first ever failing grade in my entire existence. Of course, it hit me big time that I can no longer study under that program in the same school that I am in. It took a while before I was able to say it to my parents, and it also took a while before it sank into me. Another semester has passed, and I was torn between transferring to another school or shifting to another course. At that time, I really want to transfer to another university so that I can still pursue the Accountancy program. I even enrolled myself in the regular summer classes even when the pandemic came.
Then one day, I was reflecting on the question, ‘Will it be worth pursuing this track even when I am not happy anymore?’ And it hurts me that I still have to ask myself a lot of times why I can’t figure out the thing that I really want to pursue all at once. But the Lord made me realize what my dream was about when He reminded me of my members whom He entrusted me to love. In this calling, we are in the service of loving people; guiding them towards the #LifeLikeNoOther. That’s when I knew that He is calling me to become a teacher.
It is a very tough decision for me because I don’t want to be left behind. When I have finally decided to pursue this calling, I can’t help but be more excited. And indeed, when I attended my first class as an Education student, I was so overwhelmed to the point that I was crying alone while my professor was talking. I told myself, “Finally, I am home.”
This season of mine took a very long process of letting God and letting go. I’ve realized that I keep holding on to things that even my heart can no longer hold, not knowing that I only have to let go for a brighter story to unfold.
“God has made everything appropriate to its time, but has put the timeless into their hearts so they cannot find out, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.” Ecclesiastes 3:11, NAB.
The Lord holds His promises to make all things right in its time. True enough, the lessons that He has taught me throughout this process remain in my heart. Now, as I continue to journey with Him, I no longer fear whatever may come in my way, for I know that the future belongs to Him, and He will always make things right.
Mary Joy Caday is a Mission Volunteer of MFC Youth serving in the Luzon Missions Team.